"How are you guys doing with having another baby? Are you still trying?"
For the record, it does not make me uncomfortable. And it is a valid question.
The answer is. YES. I guess. If God wants us to. NO. If He does not.
We've been trying for nearly 2 years (yes, nearly 2 years). In 2009, our last year in Paris, I had 2 miscarriages (one in TX, one in Paris). And now, in 2010, after all my fertility tests...we are trying! Happily, but unsuccessfully. If you get what I mean.
So the doctors say there is nothing wrong with me. And if there's nothing wrong with Brian...then...as the French would say,
"Pfffffff" (sound you make when you blow air through your front teeth without really parting your lips).
I don't talk about this on the blog or facebook because well, it's not the hunky-dorey kind of stuff you put out there.
But I decided to just answer the question out loud because well, I just needed to. A big part of me has really given up on the idea of having more than 1 child because it may be a very real reality that we will not have anymore. Not by our choice...but still something we can accept because we are blessed with a wonderful son and we are blessed by being happily married and providing a happy family for our one gift from God.
SO while there are days when I am sad and the tears rain down my cheeks; those days are few and far between the days when I am laughing at my son running around with strainers on his head and watching his dad teach him how to yell "BOOM" when you kick a soccer ball way up high.
If you feel badly for me...don't! If you feel awkward to ask me, don't! It helps for me to talk about it. But if you believe in Prayer, DO. Because in the end, when there's nothing wrong with either of you that can be explained medically, the only thing you can hold onto is the fact that it is not what He wants for your family. And in the whole big scheme of things...there's no reason to see the glass half empty when it is so obviously full with what is right in front of you.
