First Day of School!

Hurricane Irene put a damper on Michael's first day of school on Monday - so he went today for his first day of preschool.

He was pretty happy about the whole affair:

With Mommy:

With Daddy:

He reported the whole day to me during the whole walk from the class to the car and the whole ride home. He even told me that he wished he could be at school longer than last year.

I told him that he is already going longer this year than last! Did he want more?

Michael: "Yes! Oh, wait. Let me think about it."

So cute. So glad he's having a great time!

P

My friend Mary wrote this on her blog recently about her thoughts after a vacation (without kids) in Norway.

I can completely relate:

"I came back with the certainty that things need to change. Childcare for Mazen. A job for me. Extra income for the family. I want to be a woman who has some self-esteem about who she is as a whole person, not just in her role as a mother to small children. I want to have the energy and the ability to bring beauty back into my daily life.

This trip, coming at the end of a particularly long, hard and stressful summer, has allowed me to see that my life is radically out of balance. I feel like I'm peripheral in my own life. It's time to make some changes, to move forward.

It's time to remember that if I choose to bring beauty into my life it doesn't need to be justified or explained. It's time to remember that I am an adult and I don't need to justify or explain myself to anyone. It's time to discover who I am now, having been living in a parallel world for the last five years.

Scary stuff."

I oscillate very often between feeling happy that I have the privilege to stay at home and hang out with Michael - and Mary's paragraphs above. Some days - I embrace my life of service without complaint. Some days - I think the above.

And I really don't know what to do at this time in my life. It's like a midlife crisis but without the car.
P

Because.It.Is.Ridiculous

In One week:

Tuesday, 8/23: Earthquake struck pretty far south of us in VA.

Saturday, 8/27-8/28: Hurricane Irene ripped through the East Coast starting in the Carolinas.

I guess God felt my life was a bit too boring for my liking!

The earthquake was bizarre. We were outside the library and I was putting Michael in his carseat. I felt the ground shake back and forth, like I was in a crowded bouncy house. I thought it was just a train coming through (which I have N-E-V-E-R seen before on these railroad tracks right by the library). It stopped and I went on with my life. I paused to think - hey, it might be an earthquake.

And then I thought, "No, that's just reserved for Californians."

Luckily, Bill called me and said, "Hey, you OK?"
Me: "Yea, why?"
Bill: "Because an earthquake just hit VA"
Me: "Well, THAT explains a lot."

Then, the first hurricane to hit the upper east coast in I don't know how many years - decided to do it this weekend.

Brian was supposed to get in at 5:00pm from Pittsburgh on Friday. Only his flight was delayed to 10:30pm. I told him that he had BETTER get here before 8:00am otherwise, he'd be stuck in Pittsburgh because of the impending hurricane on Saturday afternoon. Luckily, Brian didn't have to rent a car at 11:00pm and he made it back to PA to whether the hurricane with us. WHEW.

Poor Michael - he had a basket case of a mother - and I was short and curt - as I can be when I am stressed out and going on very little sleep. He started to cry because I was using my "stressed out" tone with him, but then I told him what was going on. I explained that Mommy was really stressed out because now I had to do all the big outdoor things to secure the house for the storm and also get the neighbors boys to help me with the heavy stuff. I was really upset and I wanted to cry too (AND I DID in the car - but I wasn't about to admit that in front of him), but he really needed to calm down, be a big boy, and help. Because sometimes, we have to do that and be brave.

And he calmed down and understood. What a moment that was for me as a mother. Where did my little baby go?

To be honest - Brian's delay at the airport was just ONE of the stressors of that Friday. I am not going to go into the other ones - like my breaker tripping out the electricity in the garage/kitchen and my neighbor having to show me A)what that looks like and B) how to fix it since my fuse box is not correctly labeled - or having to reschedule my ordering session with a client because of Brian's schedule - or the fact that Brian was gone ALL week.

SO far, Hurricane Irene did not down any trees. I am waiting for the ground to firm up a bit more and a couple of sunny days to go by before I make the final verdict. But I am very thankful that God kept our family, our home, and our neighbors safe.

Got all ready for Michael's first day of school tomorrow - and it was cancelled.

VOILA. At least I am ready for the real first day of school!

And might I add - for all the forms for Michael's school - I am not going to go into how many times I had to write my name, Brian's name, Michael's name, address, and phone number.

I read something that said if you didn't want your kids to whine - to look in the mirror first. If I whine about stuff - he's going to too. So I have a lot of self-improvement to work on.

I'm oh-so-not-a-perfect-mom.

I know there are the "perfect moms" out there. The ones who are always prepared, get everything right, and whose children (in addition to themselves) always look and behave oh-so-perfectly.

I'm just so not one of them.

Case - in - point.

Michael had what looked like a splinter. And it hurt him. So I told him I would have to try to grab it out. Before I even got the tweezers, Michael started shrieking. Like neighbors might call CPS on me shrieking. Let me remind you, I had not even gotten the device of torture, tweezers.

Once I had said device, the shrieking escalated.

Now - I usually am a patient person. But that patient mom has been worn thin for a variety of reasons: 1) Michael's been out of school and after 3 months - I'm about DONE with that. 2) I've got lots of deadlines this week and am already stressed out. 3) Brian's been traveling a lot and he was traveling during said period.

SO what does the perfect mommy do? Calms said screaming child down, pretends the tweezers are little crab pinchers trying to find shrimp in his little hand. Are there shrimp in there? I don't know! Let's see! And said child would happily let that perfect mommy dig in that little hand while he watched Open Season on TV.

What did I do?

Scream at him for making a fuss about absolutely nothing that has happened yet. Tell him he's being irrational. Remind him that if he doesn't want me to help fix the problem, he can't complain about it. Screaming vs. screaming. Manhandling him to get him to sit still so I could look. These were all things that did not go well.

He fell asleep from the exhaustion from crying and I got to dig around in his hand. No splinter to be found, but now he has a blister there.

Michael was pretty traumatized. He couldn't look at me without crying. I had to apologize profusely for being a "Mean Mommy" because I certainly am not. I am not normally the parent that loses it. I am not normally the parent that screams at their kid. I'm not better than anyone else - as evidenced by this display. When I offered to go into time out because I had behaved poorly, my son said to me, "It's ok Mommy. Don't go into timeout. It's ok."

And the next day, he played with me like nothing ever happened.

Grace is not just something you read about in the bible. You can find it in your everyday life.

Gettin' it Down

So I am tres behind when it comes to posting. We've had a busy month - The Parents came to visit, we had a vacation in the Outer Banks, NC (OBX), and I've had a couple of sessions. So I am really busy proofing, designing announcements, etc.

Plus - Liturgy of the Word with Children kicks off in about 3 weeks. And I'm the lead on that - so I'm stressin' out about that going off without a hitch. My church really needs it. My family really needs it! So I'm hoping the ministry is successful and reaches out to other families/children within the parish.

But I really want to post about Michael. Soon. I have some very random pictures - but all worth posting as it documents Michael - which I don't do as much anymore because things don't change as quickly as they used to!

However, before I do - I just have 2 memories I want to put down before I forget.

Saturday at dinner, for whatever reason, I just had a memory of taking Michael to the little park in front of Le Bon Marche after his gymnastics lessons in the 6th. We would play there and look at the fish in the tanks in the cosmetics department of Le Bon Marche. I shared it with my family at the table and Michael says to me,

"Mommy, we used to play ping pong in Paris."

Why, yes - we did. And Michael remembers. On his own. With no "memory planting" from me. It always shocks me what I think he SHOULD remember as opposed to what he actually DOES remember on his own. But then my mind wandered to all those afternoons I would take him to the park with our ping pong paddles, his head barely peeking over the concrete tables, and we would "play." I was just so very thankful for that period in our lives where all I did was hang out with him. And it made my heart happy to see that he remembered too - which I hope means that it made him happy too. It is interesting to think about his memories forming, even that early on. Oh how I wish I could take my little Michael to Paris now. The memories we would make...

The other thing is something I am really proud of Michael about - and I'm sure this will fade with time and really growing up. Michael has shown 2 instances where he does not fall to peer pressure.

The first: He was grounded from Wii. He went to play at our neighbor's house where all the kids were playing Wii, and he told them he couldn't because he was grounded from it. So he just watched. Then, he came home and told me this. I commended him for adhering to what I had said, even though everyone else was doing it. There will be many more instances where he has to choose between what everyone else is doing and what we say is "our way." I truly hope he continues on his path, but will love him regardless. All children eventually do something their parents don't necessarily agree with.

The second: While in the OBX, Brian told Michael to stay seated on the little seat in the pool. DO NOT GO ANYWHERE. And he did just that. Even though Mr. Scott told him - I'll take you around in the floaty and keep you safe. Don't worry.

Not working. "I'm not going anywhere. My Daddy told me to stay here."

So proud of my little guy who isn't so little anymore. It won't be long now before he's grown and gone - but until then - I sure am enjoying all these little bits of life that was so generously bestowed to me.

Love,
P