I have not talked about it a lot because for a while I felt like I should sort of shy away from the subject because my son is supposed to be perfect. Or at least to the world at large.
However, in the last few months, I have been witnessing a Jekyll and Hyde personality in our boy. One minute, he is great, cooperative, respectful and kind. The next minute, he is throwing dice at my face and yelling at me. Sometimes in public. Sometimes at home.
Definitely-tiger-mom-losing-face behavior.
It is a result of his frustrations and his lack of knowledge on how to communicate that in a respectful manner. And from conversations with my friends with children of the same ages, it seems to be a recurrent theme of this age development.
I bet you want me to get to what the teacher said.
She told me that when Michael is being disrespectful and rude, to calmly say:
Michael, that is not a very polite way to say that. When you can speak to me nicely, I will talk to you.
Then proceed to go about whatever you are doing while ignoring his negative behavior.
She said this gives him the opportunity to make a decision on how he will behave and allows him a chance to correct himself.
If he chooses correctly, he will ask you in a more polite manner.
If he chooses incorrectly and continues to give attitude, then you introduce the consequence - whatever it may be. For Michael, it is removal of ALL screen time. For every child, whatever works for them will be different. And you follow through. And oh yes, be consistent.
Follow through and be consistent - yes yes yes.
I tried that today while we were out and about. I was calm and stated what i was supposed to state, ignoring the attitude. And it worked! Michael calmed down and redirected himself. A minute later, he explained to me why he was upset. Calmy and rationally with respect.
Neat. Just got to keep doing that. However, I find it very challenging when the steam is starting to come out of my ears because the ghetto fabulous phuong would start snapping her fingers and say, "I KNoW you didn't boy! Don't make me get in yo face boy!"
But that is not godly and not the example I want to set for him.
Sigh - I miss the days of discipline where time out worked just fine. I could still use time out and do from time to time. But I feel that as Michael grows older, my parenting paradigm has to shift from "yes, I am the boss and you must obey" to "you are free to make your own choices and each choice as its own consequence. Just as god gives us freedom to make our own decisions and reap the consequences of them, so must you learn to do the same."
And I can only hope that I am setting a good framework for the years to come where he views his parents not as a totalitarian dictatorship, but people who will love him no matter what his decisions may be, who are forever hopeful and prayerful that he makes decisions which will safeguard his heart, his future, and his relationship with us and the Lord.
That's it for one night.
