Now...I do realize that Dr. James Dobson is a Christian Conservative. And when I decide to do a couples devotional on marriage (by myself by the way)...I am inviting biblical marital principles into my life. And to be honest, I'm not quite prepared for it. And I don't quite like it. There, I said it.
Am I saying a biblical marriage is awful? Or that it does not work? Absolutely not. I know of 2 "biblical marriages" that work quite well for the people involved.
I am saying that I am disappointed in Night Light's 2 chapters on the roles of wives and husbands.
Dr. Dobson devotes one chapter to the role of husband. Here are some questions from that chapter:
- What has been my most "shining moment" as your husband?
- How can I (the wife) encourage you (the husband) in the responsibilities God has given to you?
- Am I (the husband) sensitive to your (the wife's) feelings regarding decisions?
- Do you ever miss being single? Why?
- How, as a wife, can I help you be a better father?
- Wife asking husband: Do you ever struggle with trying to care for my emotional well-being? What can I do to help?
Dr. Dobson then devotes one chapter to the role of wives. Here are some questions from that chapter:
- Does the role of "helper" seem insulting to you?
- Is it easy for you (the wife) to serve me as your husband?
- Do you (the husband) feel that I (the wife) believe in you?
- How can we define the wife's duty to submit to her husband?
- If you (the husband) were asked to define my (the wife's) character, would noble come to mind?
- Wife asking husband: What do you think is the biggest setback/failure you have experienced? Did I show you support at that time?
- Husband asking wife: Which of my favorite activities do you enjoy?
Wife asking husband: Do you appreciate having me join you in activities?
Sense a trend? The husband's chapter is...of course, all about the husband's role and how the wife can help him be better. The wife's chapter is all about...the husband and how the wife can submit and serve him better. Hmmm...did we forget all about the wife's needs?
Now, to Dobson's credit, he didn't ignore the wife's role completely. He did ask questions about how the men could be sensitive to the wife's feelings in decision making. And how to care for her emotional well being. But let's look at the data:
Husband chapter:
22 questions total
4 questions recognizing the wife's feelings/rights to have them/her self improvement
6 general marriage questions that are good for any marriage
12 questions about the father/husband's needs/wife's need to submit and support
Wife Chapter:
20 questions total
3 questions recognizing the wife's feelings/rights to have them/self improvement
2 general marriage questions that are good for any marriage
15 questions on how the wife can better support her husband, submit.
And so I finish these chapters disappointed. I would have hoped for some more questions about the husband considering the wife's interests and joining HER on them. Or maybe some questions on the difficulty of being a wife/stay at home mom and how the husband could help her there.
But no. No discussion as such in the wife chapter. Just more focus on how to help your husband in his bad times, taking on HIS interests as your own and well, basically being his helper without any focus at all on YOU.
So...there. I don't like it. And maybe that makes me a bad biblical wife. I have my own interests, my own needs, and my own necessity to be treated as Brian's equal, not his subject to lead.
But in my marriage, Brian loves me anyways. And it works for us.
Discuss. Conservative and not so conservative opinions all welcome.
