January 9, 2013: Trio Castle Building

Over Christmas, I gave Michael a medieval castle that he had to build himself.  It's kind of like legos, but bigger.  It came with a catapult and these funny knights that remind me very much of the Knights Who Say Nee!

Over the last 2 days, Michael's been working on it after school.  As with anything, he gets frustrated and immediately runs over to me, "Mommy, I can't do this. Will you help me?"

At first, I did help him.

But after many interruptions, I was tired of it!  AND - I had read that Japanese students will work longer at a problem than American students and did better because of their sense of delayed gratification and hard work.

So, I told Michael:

"Michael, I would LOVE to help you.  And I CAN put what I am working on right now down and help you.  However, I think you can do it all on your own and you are entirely capable.  So go work on it until you get it."

And he DID do it on his own and he was so excited about it.  Just to hit the point home, I said to him, "Mommy wanted not to help you because..."

And he said back, "Because I can do it."

Today, his religion book came home.  We go over his Religion homework every Thursday night.  This week's lesson is about how God made us and how we are precious to Him.  He gave us all special talents, and we should acknowledge those in seeing how special we were made.

We read this paragraph:
"Children learn by doing.  Refrain from helping your child before it is needed.  This shows you have trust in your child's abilities and encourages his or her independence and development.  Caregivers who rush in to do for their children what they can do for themselves or for others take away a golden opportunity for their children to learn independence as well as the value of contributing to the well-being of the family."

When we read it, I looked at Michael and said, "Can you think of an example of this?"  And he pointed to his castle and smiled!  Love it when what is being taught at home is being reinforced at school!

Something else that I want to write down so I remember from his Religion book:
"Let family members make their own decisions whenever possible.  Caregivers may worry about what decisions their child will make in the future.  But if you give your child the gift of making small and relevant decisions now, your child will have the benefit of learning through consequences on small matters, such as what clothes to wear.  As your child grows, the importance of the decisions will grow, and so will his or her ability to make wise choices."

Some days, I get tired of offering the choices and negotiating.  I just want my word to be law and done!  But I need to remind myself too that while this is hard work for me now, hopefully the rewards of this interaction will be beneficial in the long run.

That is what I feel changes in parenting as you transition from parenting a toddler towards parenting a school-aged child.  The discipline and actions for toddlers usually take place in the here and now with immediate tangible results.  You throw a toy, you get time out, and you don't do it again.

With school aged children, I feel like there are long range effects of how we speak, of what we issue for discipline, and how we live our lives.  It seems like we are planting seeds of ideas inside his mind and am hoping that we provide a good example for him.  Will we know if it is working?  I'll see in 30+ years and let you know.  ;)